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What Would Woody Say?

I'm not big on conspiracy theories. Most conspiracy theories eventually fall into the "Prove it didn’t happen" logic trap from which few can return with their wits intact. That being said, it doesn't mean that I don't think that their are conspiracies. I believe if there is enough sex, cash, treasure or power involved, there is almost a guarantee that there will be some group of people trying to secure it by formal or informal means.

It's irresistible. It's a part of human nature. No matter who we are, no matter how poor or how rich, we all want more.

Things are a little wild in The States these days. The election is a few days off and it doesn’t matter where you sit on the political spectrum, everyone is as nervous as cancer survivors waiting for the results from a recent biopsy. We’ve all been up this road once before, and frankly we aren’t looking forward to it again. The waiting is worse than anything.

Today we all woke up to the story that hundreds of tons of high explosives were missing in Iraq, and of course it was all Bush’s fault. Kerry couldn’t get in front of a camera fast enough to say with a complete straight face how this was another example of the danger that Bush put us all in with his ill-advised war. Of course by complaining about the loss of the explosives, Kerry is in fact showing that Bush was exactly correct for going into Iraq, as the entire country is like one of those new combo gas stations that are part Chevron, part McDonalds, part quickie-mart, Only Iraq is a combination insane asylum, concentration camp and weapons depot.

It’s ok, I’m used to the litany of “Kerry complaints”. He’s like a girl I used to date, always good on post play analysis for what everyone else should do with their lives and why they were all idiots. She could never actually be bothered with actually attempting to do anything herself of course, except complain and bitch and whine. She was a master at that, for everything else in life she was a “no show” I knew the relationship was over when we started calling her “Ebert”. She works at 7-11 now; her ambition is to get on the day shift. Yes, God has a sense of humor.

So, what we got here today is a bite-in-the-ass mid-level UN bureaucrat who issues a “whoopsie” email, which just happens to fall right into the grubby hands of the New York Times. Later in the same afternoon, the CBS goons say that they were going to cover the story, but on October 31st, so it could stay fresh in the minds of the great unwashed before the election. All of a sudden, Kerry is out making campaign ad on the subject of the suddenly ‘missing explosives’ and the shame of it all.

That’s a pretty fast turn around. UN drops a note, two major media players bang out a tattoo on the jungle drums, and a candidate is eating his bounty in klieg light about the horror of it all.

And that’s hardly the first time we’ve seen this display of hand-in-glove cooperation between what are supposedly unaligned and disinterested forces. But there you have it, who is it in today’s world is truly disinterested in our affairs. Which of course brings me back to conspiracy.

Woody Allen once had a character in a movie that said:

Helen Hunt: You know, there's a word for people who think everyone is conspiring against them.
Woody Allen: I know, perceptive.

At this point, anyone who doesn’t think the media is laying it in against Bush is simply not perceptive. Anyone who thinks the UN is interested in helping Bush or even being neutral is simply not paying attention. Anyone who thinks the EU is a disinterested observer is delusional. Anyone who doesn’t think the Democrats wont lie, cheat, steal or abide acts of terror all in the name of their party achieving power in this election, well I don’t know if they can read the papers.

That is one huge stack of people that are willing to do anything to steal this election. All those people, all those organizations, all that effort, engaged to do what? Just stop plain old every day American citizens from expressing their preference for who should lead this country? It appears to me that the one thing the rest of the world and our enemies can’t abide is the idea that a plurality of us just might re-elect the man who overturned their apple cart –
George W. Bush.

Let’s face it; George ruined a lot of people’s plans, a lot of very powerful peoples plans. He broke a lot of rice bowls. The UN had a sweet deal going in Iraq until he came along and screwed it up for everyone. France had a sweet deal, 100 billion in oil contracts, weapons systems, infrastructure development. Germany had her hands in the Mesopotamian pie too, right up to her elbows. Russia was face down in the slop.

They gave us Afghanistan, they could hardly say no, but Iraq was always off limits. Once George decided to go into Iraq, the gloves came off. From that point on, George has made himself the target of a lot of people who made their living and kept their accounts in balance with the haul of cash made fencing the goods for Saddam and his family band of mad pirates.

Why?

Because Iraq was the pusher, the juice, Iraq was the grocery store that cashed their bad third party checks and looked the other way. Do a bit of business with Iraq, and a little green grease goes your way when no one is looking.

The UN knew what was going on in Iraq, they knew damn well what a monster Saddam was. They just didn’t care. The UN did worse than just turning a blind eye, the UN enabled Saddam.

The EU stood right behind them and also did nothing. No one was interested in ending the sanctions; the sanctions were making a bunch of people very rich indeed. The fact that they killed thousands of people in the process, that is of no concern of theirs.

There's no mistaking the fact that the whole Iraq piggy bank got tipped over because the voters of Tennessee didn’t vote for their favorite son, Albert Gore. Forget Florida, talk to me about Arkansas and Tennessee. How did that happen?

Once upon a time, we had a President who infuriated the world because he asked a simple question “ why not end Communism”? Why tolerate it? People were appalled. We had all been taught the doctrine of ‘peaceful coexistence’. Reagan didn’t believe in that, he believed we needed to end it. It was a huge risk, none of the smart people at the time believed that it was possible, but one day we all woke up to the Berlin wall coming down and in the blink of an eye, the nightmare was over.

People hated him. I mean they absolutely reviled Reagan and everything he stood for. Truth be told, many still do. They didn’t care one way or another about communism or capitalism; they just didn’t want to get hurt. But Reagan wasn’t stepping on as many toes as George has stepped on. Frankly, the Soviets never had the potential for money generation that the Middle East has in its cash drawers.

Today, George has also asked a basic question: “Why do we have to tolerate Islamic Terror” Why not end it? To do that, He created the Bush Doctrine, “If you are a terrorist or if you harbor a terrorist, we will make no distinction”. On that day, September 21, 2001, Iraq became a target. If Iraq was a hapless set of hillbilly backcountry bumpkins like Afghanistan, I doubt anyone would have blinked. Iraq was much more than that. Our entry into Iraq brought a huge monetary flow to a complete stop. We went to liberate a people, but to the EU, we burned down the gamblin' house to do it.

It’s been my experience that people don’t like it when you interfere with their money. They take it real personal.

The conspiracy I see today is a whole group of people who want their money back. They want their tyrants back in charge of the bank, and the only thing stopping them is grandma bubbie in West Palm Beach whos voting for a Republican for the first time in her life because she’s seen one man stand behind Israel and the other can’t bring himself to say out loud the right thing about Israel. If Ed Koch can vote Republican, why can't I? says she...

What’s standing between us and a gloating Michael Moore on November 2nd? A part-time nurse in Minnesota who’s voting Republican for the first time in her life. I'll never forget those women voting in Afghanistan, everyone said it could never happen but it did. says she...

What’s standing between George Soros and the millions he’s made selling out his country on the currency markets? A middle class church going black man who's had enough of being told hes a victim and has decided to vote Republican.

What’s standing between the EU and the UN and all that cash that they used to get in Iraq?

George W. Bush.

Which just makes me want him in office that much more.

6 Days.

UPDATE: The cat with the pipe at the top of the post is Allen Dulles. He is the bete noir of conspriacy theorists of the past 60 years. From Nazi gold, UFOs and the Kennedy assasination, Allen Dulles provides a lifetime of "What If" Conspiracy.

Posted @ October 26, 2004 08:29 PM | Election 2004

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