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Time Magazine Merges with The Onion

Oh my, Time Magazine has done a great service to bloggers everywhere by writing this parody piece

Excerpt:

Wither The Dollar
A weak dollar should be good for U.S. exports. But it's already causing pain overseas, and in the long run it could drive up the cost of living at home
By DANIEL KADLEC

European Pain

Americans traveling in Europe, where their dollars don't go very far, are feeling some pain. While vacationing in Paris last week, university professor

(Nerd Alert! - vacationing offseason - In France - University Professor, 10 guesses who she voted for...)

Maria Armanda was surprised to find "a bottle of Coca-Cola outside the bus stop was $2.60. That's unheard of!
( Obviously shes never been to Disneyland...)
I needed the caffeine, or I wouldn't have bought it." Trina Chang, a Californian backpacking through Europe, says, "We were going to buy two oranges this morning, but they cost so much, we put them back. It's so expensive, it's so sad."

Heres a thought Trina, Instead of backpacking through europe in mid-winter, Visit Sunny Florida!, where they have so many oranges its almost like they grow on trees!

More important, the cost of foreign goods in the U.S. is increasing. Consider: at import-foods shop A Southern Season in Chapel Hill, N.C., a pound of European Brie ( Oh my heavens no!, what about the poor children, what will they eat!, say it isnt so!) has shot from $6.99 to $8.29 in a year, and even at that price, the store makes less profit. "We try to educate our staff" about the dollar impact so they can explain the prices to angry customers, says manager Briggs Wesche. And it's not just cheese and other luxury imports: every American buys foreign goods, from TVs to food to clothes — often without knowing it — and many of those things will cost more too.

Meaning that they will be forced to buy goods that their neighbors produce, rather than a third world country that is largely built on slave labor. Oh the horrors of modern life...

Hardest hit around the globe are the Europeans( Admit it, you just giggled when you read that...), whose exports are being squeezed by the cheap dollar and equally cheap Chinese yuan, which, to the dismay of global leaders, remains pegged at 8.3 yuan to the dollar. China has a large and growing trade surplus with the U.S., and American and European officials argue that the cheap currency gives the Chinese an unfair advantage. Some Europeans are taking advantage of the robust euro to come to the U.S., where everything from iPods to Gap jeans to four-star-hotel stays are suddenly a bargain. (Bookings are up 30% at Germany's largest tour company, TUI, which has been able to cut trip prices as much as 26%.) I wonder if the Tour bus has a "W" Sticker on the back... But euro-land companies are suffering.(Must-Not-Giggle...Must-Fight-Urge...) Exports from Germany to the U.S. are down 10%. Thierry Desmarest, CEO of French oil giant Total, says the dollar's move over the past two years means "we have practically lost one-third of our earnings." Bic, the French firm that makes disposable shavers, says the weak buck has shaved 75% off its sales growth.Merde...


Ah, George W. Bush, Who every day seems to remind the Euros why they need to wear a Cup during hockey practice.

Posted @ December 17, 2004 11:26 AM | Current Events

Comments

"Maria Armanda was surprised to find "a bottle of Coca-Cola outside the bus stop was $2.60. That's unheard of!"

I know of a place in the good old US of A where you have to pay $4 for a bottle of Coke from a vending machine....

Posted by: Da Goddess at December 20, 2004 01:00 AM

It's not the fact that the US is Top Nation that ticks me off, it's the relentless wave of schadenfreude emenating from it.

For your own sake, remember that pride is a sin; that there are still people out here who like you and like to do business with you even though it's bloody hard (like an author friend who got his big break two years ago after a decade of hard slogging and who now sees the value of his work going down the pan with the dollar, because you are where his market is); and perhaps most importantly that no empire lasts forever and sooner or later someone will take your place at the top of the tree.

Just my $0.02, for what it's worth.

Posted by: Adrian Ramsey at December 20, 2004 08:13 AM

Thank you Adrian. Im aware that no empire last forever, thats probably why we go through such pains to avoid becoming one. We might be a cultural behemoth, but we are really awful at colonization and occupation.

I have sympathy for your friend, as I have seen many of mine lose their jobs to overseas contractors who were working at much lower rates than they were. That has also changed somewhat with the correction in the dollar. Supply and demand are not an american inventions.


Goddess - $2.75 - main street USA, Disneyland.

Posted by: Frank Martin at December 20, 2004 09:26 AM

Hey, it's hurting the Ontario (Canada) manufacturing sector as well. No problem there, they are the most anti-American in the country. Out here in conservative Alberta, we like Americans, our oil price is high and guess what, Vegas is real cheap (especially when it is 30 below, like today)

Posted by: Carl at January 1, 2005 04:15 PM