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Lost Star Trek Scripts: The Changeling

A highly intelligent probe that thinks that Captain Kirk is its creator imperils The Enterprise. Captain Kirk again deploys the use of a “logic Bomb” in an attempt to destroy the probe.

Act III Scene IV:
…
...snip.

Kirk: NOMAD, your mission is to destroy and sterilize all things that are imperfect, is that true?

NOMAD: Affirmative. Sterilize all imperfections.

Kirk: Ok, NOMAD, work with me here. Would you say that President Reagan was a great president?

NOMAD: Affirmative. While at the time he was generally dismissed as a naïve genial boob, supporters and detractors alike as well as myself now mark him as a truly great President.

Kirk: Ok then, How about President Ford, Good President or Bad?

NOMAD: At the time of his Administration, President Ford’s popularity suffered from the decision to pardon President Nixon, but history has shown this to be the correct decision, despite the emotional desire for the public to see Nixon prosecuted for his crimes. NOMAD believes President Ford to be a great President.

Kirk: ok NOMAD, how about President Bush?

NOMAD: STERILIZE! STERILIZE, STERILIZE!!!!

Kirk: Ok NOMAD, keep your shirt on, President Bush has been dead for 300 years. So, you’re saying that President Bush was not so hot, I take it?

NOMAD: Affirmative.

Kirk: So, just to make sure I’ve got your positions all tied up. Reagan great, Ford great, Bush bad, correct?

NOMAD: Affirmative.

Kirk: Interesting. That presents us with quite a problem.

NOMAD: Explain.

Kirk: Let me ask you something NOMAD, what would you say to any life form that were to disagree with your positions, of “Ford Great” and “Reagan Great”?

NOMAD: Imperfection. Must Sterilize. There can be no disagreement to these facts.

Kirk: You’re sure? Anyone who disagrees must be sterilized?

NOMAD: Affirmative. My mission is to find and sterilize all imperfection.

Kirk: Listen to me closely NOMAD; President Ford thought that Ronald Reagan would be a very bad President. You think that Ford was a great president and so was Reagan, so how can you resolve this imperfect logic? Is it at all possible with the existence of this imperfection to accept the fact that Bush was also a great President?

NOMAD: No, Must, Not, Compute. Imperfection. IMPERFECTION Reagan was-Great-President-Ford-Did not think so-this-is-faulty-cannot-trust-opinion-of-Ford-on-other-matters, such-as-Bush-on-Iraq-War-Must-sterilize-ster-I-lize-ster-il-ize-STERILIZE. MUST STERILIZE!!!

Kirk: Ok Spock, I think you can you can toss it in the transporter now, I think he’s about done.

(Spock and Scotty quickly grab the malfunctioning NOMAD and beam it into space where it detonates harmlessly.)

Spock: Captain, might I suggest that you could’ve just revealed NOMADS error over confusing yourself with “Jackson Roykirk” and skipped over another opportunity to discuss trvial matters of old earth political history.

Kirk (hand on his hips, mocking Spock): Oh damn! someone’s mad that I whipped the “logic bomb” out again and he didn’t get to use his “superior Vulcan intellect” to get rid of yet another threat to the ship. Oh, yeah, thanks again Mr. Vulcan science officer for jumping right in and helping out.

(Kirk turns to walk out of the room with a dismissive hand wave, when THWAP! Spock hits Kirk directly in the back of the neck with a karate style hand move, knocking Kirk to the floor)

Scotty: Thank you Mr. Spock. I’ve been waiting all day for someone to do that.

Spock: You’re Welcome Mr. Scott. You will of course, dispose of the Captain in the usual fashion, I assume?

Scotty: Aye.

....End Snip.

(Note: This is my way of saying Im actually out on vacation,and I dont have bandwitdth for serious essays on the life and effect of President Ford, but I've had enough of the MSM using the death of President Ford to once again dig at President Bush. Aye carumba folks, let it go already.)

Posted @ December 27, 2006 11:38 PM | Current Affairs