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In Defense of Larry Craig
Here’s what I learned when I read the police report on Larry Craig
1. Whatever you do when you are on a layover between flights, don’t use public bathrooms before you get on the next flight. Clearly, that is a sign that you are looking for anonymous gay sex, because no one in his right mind would use a public bathroom for any other purpose.
2. If you enter the bathroom and all the stalls appear to be full, don’t stand outside and tap your foot. While in some cultures looking at your watch at tapping your foot is a way of showing that you are anxious and perhaps ready to explode your bowels all over the floor, in Minneapolis it means only one thing, you want anonymous gay sex.
3. If you really, really have to go, and you are not really sure that there is someone inside the stall or not, whatever you do, don’t investigate further by trying to look inside. Clearly, that can only be read as a sign that you want anonymous gay sex.
4. If you get inside a stall, and you have your roll-on flight bag with you, be sure to hold it over your head while you sit on the toilet because if you place your bag in front of you, that can only mean one thing, you want anonymous gay sex.
5. If you find yourself frustrated and angry that the geniuses in the janitorial staff has set the ultra mega large roll of toilet paper in such a way that despite the fact that the roll is the diameter of a watermelon, it still only dispenses one square of toilet paper at a time, whatever you do, don’t fumble around trying to get more toilet paper, because if your fingers manage to appear on the bottom of the wall, it clearly can mean only mean one thing to the person next to you; that you want anonymous gay sex.
6. If a man in the bathroom takes you by the arm and tells you to come with him and flashes what looks like a badge, it usually means he’s really a policeman, and not the kind in "The Village People". Do not react in a late middle age homophobic way and get all bothered because you think for just a second that someone might think “you’re gay too”(oh heaven forbid!), just stand up straight and answer the man’s questions. Seriously, you’re in your 60’s Mr. Craig, I can assure you that no one is hitting on you.
7. If you have a choice between missing a flight and getting a lawyer to help you address the charges against you, heres a helpful bit of advice, get the lawyer – miss the flight. Chances are Senator, the local police force is counting on you and many others doing exactly what you did, pay the fine, and then (you’ll excuse the pun) - blow out of town.
Is there such a thing as entrapment? Do policeman lie? Do they bend the truth? Do DA’s get overactive and push prosecution of cases when the politics of the matter fit their particular template? If you say no, then I got some phone numbers of a bunch of college students who went to a party one night in North Carolina and nearly went to prison over it. Their lawyers and their families can tell you stories about how an entire legal system fell around their heads one night and how the press tried and convicted these young men, despite the fact that there was never any evidence of any sort of crime.
But unlike you, they were smart enough to get lawyers. Imagine if they hadn’t, and trusted the police and the DA, like you did...
Senator, if I was on your jury, I don’t see enough in this case to convict you of much of anything, I don’t see you soliciting sex or anything else close to it. According to this paperwork you to me look like a befuddled airline traveler trying to do his business in a dignified way in an undignified place.
Unfortunately there’s never going to be a case because you decided to pay the fine and admit to something that is quite a bit more than what I see reflected on the paperwork in front of me. That of course, isn't stopping the press from making you out to be "The Idaho Caligula", but that's the press for you, they dont let facts get in the way of a good story.
I’m going to take a guess here and think that you got more than a bit flustered, you got yourself in front of a whole lotta policeman who said a whole lotta things that you considered very unseemly, and considering that you’ve spent the last year getting chased around by the worst sort of slander about your very personal sex life, for just a moment there you saw your life go before your eyes. While you sat there in that little room with the hidden camera going, you stared into the two way mirror for a second when one of the helpful policemen probably leaned across the table and offered you a way out. “Just plead to the lesser crime and no one would be the wiser,” he said quietly, grasping your arm and looking into your eyes. You leaped at it, you had to, after all of the scenarios of disaster running through your head, it sounded good and after all Senator, in your experience policeman are always fine people, the nice one that offered you the deal probably seemed like a real nice guy, unlike that effeminate little bug-eyed man who arrested you.
I could be wrong because after all, the evidence presented to me wasn’t in a court of law but from a website called ‘the smoking gun”. The policeman who filed the paperwork may be a lot more convincing in person than his notes appear to me to be. That doesn’t mean I think the Minneapolis Police are lying or that they have some hidden agenda here, because I dont.
I think that policemen are just people and people make mistakes. That's why we have courts and an adversarial legal system, Mr. Craig. Its just a shame you didn't use it for this case.
Did he lie? Don’t know. Did you lie? Don’t know. But I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, Senator. Its my opinion, before you go tromping over a mans life, the evidence needs to be a little bit more than what I see presented here.
Oh, and Senator, I don’t care if you’re gay or not. It's 2007, who isn't gay? If that bugs you, that's your problem. What this whole adventure does convince me of, is that you most certainly are a complete blithering idiot of the first order and that’s what should matter the most to the people of Idaho and not your sex life one way or the other.
Don't run for re-election. Take your retirement, and get some therapy, ok?
Posted @ August 28, 2007 10:18 PM | Current Affairs
Here's an example of Officer Karsnia's zeal for enforcing the law:
http://greencycles.blogspot.com/
Good thing he arrested a Rethuglican Senator, or libs might have gotten really mad about that.
Posted by: Dan Collins at August 29, 2007 04:40 AM
Unfortunately, you have made the same mistake everyone in the media is making in slipshoddily reporting this story.
You assume that Mr. Craig was arrested, taken to the police station, immediately paid his fine, was released, and "blew town." (Pun intended.)
Except, that's not what happened.
He was arrested, booked, fingerprinted, and then released.
The Senator then left on his own recognizance.
He left town. He then had several weeks with which to ponder his situation. He had time to consult his lawyer. Do you know any Senators who don't have a flanx of lawyers at their beck and call?
He now claims not to have done so, but attorney-client privledge would preclude anyone from even knowing whether that statement is true or not.
After pondering his situation for weeks, knowing, he claims, that there's been a terrible mistake and that he's completely innocent of any crime, the Senator then returned to Minnesota and plead guilty to that crime.
He accepted a sentence of a $1,000 fine, which he paid a portion of, and accepted probation for 1 year and a 10-day suspended sentence.
Then, he sat quietly and waited. And waited. And waited. Never did he then, he claims, once the immediate rush of the problem was over, consult a lawyer to see if he did the right thing.
Only when the news breaks does he now proclaim his innocence.
You suggest in #7 above that the Senator made a blunder by pleading guilty immediately upon his arrest, but since that isn't what happened, that can't be true.
I appreciate that you think the Senator maybe shouldn't have been arrested, and you're free to have that opinion.
You aren't free to have your own facts, however.
Posted by: justareader at August 29, 2007 04:43 AM
7. If you have a choice between missing a flight and getting a lawyer to help you address the charges against you, heres a helpful bit of advice, get the lawyer – miss the flight.
Nice defense. But he was arrested in June and pled guilty in August. Plenty of time to get a lawyer.
So why did he plead guilty?
Posted by: Nikki at August 29, 2007 05:00 AM
I would agree 100% with all of this except... he did plead guilty. And for that matter, he tried to use his Senate business card to get out of trouble.
If he had fought it, I would be on his side. But he surrendered, and you have to think it was for a reason.
Posted by: A.W. at August 29, 2007 05:02 AM
Any single one of the actions wouldn't have been terribly persuasive individually. All of them together don't look good. Pleading guilty "to make it go away" when there are already rumors circulating about Senator Craig's bathroom behavior smells like someone out of control who deluded himself.
Bad judgment for pleading guilty instead of fighting the charge--and most likely, Senator Craig isn't telling us the truth.
He's my senator, and it hurts to see a strong defender of the right to keep and bear arms going down. But Idahoans deserve someone with more self-control, and better judgment. Even in California this wouldn't be acceptable.
Posted by: Clayton E. Cramer at August 29, 2007 05:55 AM
In that case, I agree with everything you said and just wish I could have said it as well. (Er, does this meet the "questionable content" test?
Posted by: Banjo at August 29, 2007 06:12 AM
I read the police report and I didnt see anything in it that i could say without question was clearly an overt attempt at lewd behavior. my only problem with what mr. craig did, was the utterly asinine way that he handled his own case. did he really think it would just go away or not be interpreted as worse that it appears to be? if youre 15 years old you think that but not full grown adults with experience in the world.
i read the report and what jumped out at me was the officers assurance that "in his experience, these were clear signs of lewd behavior", but i read them and came up with legitimate reaasons why the might not be interpreted that way.
the one piece of information that i would like to have is where the bathroom was in relation to his two flights, if it was right in between, then theres not much here. if it was far off from either of the two flights and somewhat difficult to get to and senator craig was hanging around the area, well ok, that seems like something odd.
I think you have to give the presumption of innocence to the defendant for as long as you can.
Posted by: frank martin at August 29, 2007 07:01 AM
"If you enter the bathroom and all the stalls appear to be full, don’t stand outside and tap your foot. While in some cultures looking at your watch at tapping your foot is a way of showing that you are anxious and perhaps ready to explode your bowels all over the floor, in Minneapolis it means only one thing, you want anonymous..."
Except that's not what the police report says. He was in the stall and seated when he began tapping his toes. I don't ever recall tapping my toes when making a Number 2, but perhaps I'm strange.
Posted by: Paul B at August 29, 2007 08:52 AM
The list obviously needs a lot of editing.
As to point #3, you're probably safe if you just swipe your head quickly past the gap in the door to see if you see someone inside. But you're likely to get into trouble if you move close enough that the occupant can see the color of your eyes, and then stand there for two minutes despite the fact that there's a vacant stall right next to you.
I suppose it's possible to breach one or two of the rules by accident, but it seems kind of far-fetched that someone would unknowingly break all of them at once, and randomly pick a restroom that's because so infamous as a cruising area that police have been assigned to patrol it.
That said, cruising public restrooms is rude and unhygenic, but at the same time it's only a misdemenor. It's not a horrible crime that justifies ruining someone's life.
If Sen. Craig would: (1) Come out of the closet, (2) Apologize for the homophobic legislation he's supported and the bigotry that he's spewed, and (3) Promise to do his future cruising in bars rather than public restrooms, then I for one will be glad to forgive him.
But I'm not seeing that. He's still trying to suck up to the homophobes by denying everything. It looks like this strategy is failing, though. (As well it should. Homophobes are *ignorant*, not *stupid*.)
Posted by: mazement at August 29, 2007 10:17 AM
I have to disagree with you on this one Frank. A worldly person, such as the Senator, should know by age 62, (kids even know all of this stuff) what is suspicious behavior. That old saying "He should have known better" really fits for this individual.
Posted by: Blogengeezer at August 29, 2007 05:16 PM
justareader,
Cool!
I want a flanx of lawyers.
A hurd of attorneys.
A flawk of litigators.
A bevvy of barristers.
Sorry dude/dudette, I couldn't resist;>)
Posted by: daddyquatro at August 29, 2007 09:08 PM
Pleading guilty to make it go away. The guy is sooooooo guilty.
Posted by: dorker at August 30, 2007 10:07 AM
Is it possible the toe-tapping could have been a clever ruse to mask the audio of poop or wind? I suppose it might.
It's the guilty plea that convinced me he was guilty. After all, isn't it horrible to think that someone we hire to represent us and to not cave in when our interests are on the line would "go along to get along" when accused of a crime for himself? I mean, if he was innocent but entered a guilty plea, how hard will he fight for what's right with his constituents?
Whatever the case, this one stinks on hot frelling ice.
Posted by: phlegmfatale at September 2, 2007 09:06 AM



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