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Announcement: I've got a little list...

From this day forward, I shall use the perjorative term "toe-tapper" to describe someone I wish to mock. I hope to start a world wide popular movement of anti-"toe-tapping" bigotry.

We'll put a stop to all this well coordinated top hat, black pants and leather shoe wearing frivolity once and for all. The devils scourge of tap shoes, tap dance schools, the "black mass" of tap dancing contests and the subversive showing of Fred Astaire movies; all this shall end when the revolution comes my friend, you just wait. Soon, we shall all wear Vans and finally be free of the curse of patent leather and click-click-click clakety-clackety-clackof metal dance taps.

And after the tap dancers are gone, we shall start on the people who wear sandals to business meetings or formal affairs. First, we will start the slow torture with with those who wear sandals with socks,not just white gym socks but bright multi colored socks, and then women with big arms in sleeveless dresses, and then men who wear baseball caps with business suits will go. Not necessarily in that order, but they all have to go.

Which reminds me...

We need to do something about the millionare "movie stars" who go on national TV and look like they were just in the parking lot draining the fluid from the transmissions of their cars.

Cut your hair, sit up straight, you're on TV! You mom is probably watching. And for Gods sake, what have you got to whine about? What are you, a coal miner? if you never work a day in your life again, you will have a very comfortable existence. But nooooo, its whawhawhwhaaaa, oh cry for me argentina... I've had a summer of Lindsey Lohan, Amy Whinehouse, Owen Wilson and Britney "doesnt-everyone-hold-their-kids-in their-laps-when-they-drive,dammit-paris-I've-lost-my-underware" Spears. I never thought anyone would make me nostalgic for Madonna, but Spears did it. Thats how bad it is folks, where Cher once stood, now stands Madonna, and someday God-save-us-all will Britney "no-pants" Spears stand, only to be followed God knows what and I really do not want to know what it is that takes her place.

I used to think that the infamous "Donkey Shows" of Tijuana maked the final level of hell for the fallen and the the damned, but now I'm convinced in just 10 years time I will see "serious actresses" profess their desire to be in "The Donkey Show" to further their career.

Mark my words, that day is coming.

And exactly why is it that all you people in Hollywood all so damned unhappy? Oh wait, I dont care why you are unhappy I just want you gone, so get in the truck, its off to be processed, you slacker genius voice-of-a-haunted-generation-whos-neven-done-a-damn-thing wonderkid. I've had it with everytime these no talent goobers fall and scape their knees, they are off to 'rehab'.

Talented people dont go to 'rehab', they dry out, write great albums or books about it or they die 'before their time' in a bathtub in France. That's how nature deals with the curse of fame. The Gods look down, see how you've put your divinity inspired talent to work, and they find you screwing around and wasting it on "Daddy Day Camp III". Well off you go then, you get "walk the plank" into loser obscurity, only to come back as a shriveled shell of your former self in 50 years time, when the next generation discovers your comic or singing genius that you had for all of 10 seconds before you discovered the "fun" of some new and exciting version of morphine and got turned into a vomit covered, human toilet seat cover with a SAG card who really "just wants to direct".

You penance for your sins is you get to answer the question "so what would you do differently if you had to do it all over again" a thousand times a day until you die of a stroke on camera.

Amy Winehouse is right, Rehab is for losers. You want rehab? then get a job - a real job, a demeaning, soul sucking hourly pay, tax paying job, go feed your kids, all of them, not just the ones you live with on alternate weekends because your business manager said it would be good in the divorce settlement, and stop hitting the crackpipe everytime you inhale.

That will straighten your crap out real fast.

You are only going to rehab because your business manager has determined that you still have money to be drained out of your accounts, not because "you are special", because you aren't. Remember Pete Duel? Yeah, in his day, he was pretty "special" too. 20 years later, you can't find anyone who knows who he is.

Look in the mirror, you addict losers, thats you in 20 years, only Pete Duel was talented, it will probably happen faster for you.

How about Alfred Lunt? Name ring a bell?

how about Anna Magnani? No? Well they were both Academy Award winning quality folks. But you ask a random sample of 100 people if they know who the are, you'll get zip back except from the whackjobs. Thats fame for ya, you work your whole life, you get to be a statistic in a book somewhere.


The minute you are broke - dead broke and you can't even work on "Dancing with the Stars", rehab is no longer your option, jail is.Just like all the little people. Just ask Dana Plato, oh you cant because she's dead. Damn...

Robert Mitchum didnt go to rehab, he went to jail and you know what, I can respect that. He didn't whine about it(oh no! look what the man did to me, whahhahahwhaa), he didn't apologise, he just did his time, and went on to have a career. A good solid kick butt never gonna forget this guy career. And he still managed to raise three kids, all from the same wife, that he was married to for 37 fricken years.

Robert Mitchum: Actor-Badass-And no freaking "rehab".

And who decided these walking emotional trainwrecks should have a say in politics of any kind anyway? They can't do math, they cant drive, they are completely irresponsible in every way. Run for office? sure they are qualified for that, but talk about it, engage in discourse?What! are you kidding me? You wouldn't let half these people watch your kids for two hours while you go out to dinner, but you are going to pay 100 dollars a plate to go to a fundraiser with these losers so they can sit at an elevated podium with 100 other no talent goobers as they try to shake off a hangover, all while you look through opera glasses from 200 yards away and say "Honey, I think he's looking over here, no wait a second, thats his bodyguard holding his hair back while he inspects the palm tree up close. Wow he really cares about the environment, he's been looking at the base of that tree now for 10 minutes."

Actors. The original "toe-tapping" monkeys.

sheesh...

Posted @ September 02, 2007 08:39 PM | Current Affairs

Comments

One difference for Mitchum. He was smoking marijuana, which, unlike alcohol, cocaine and opiates, does not create body changes which demand more to fulfill. All there is to deal with is the knowledge that it would feel groovy to smoke it again. It takes character to deal with that, but it doesn't take medical assistance. I've found a level of use at which I can be a successful husband and employee, and still stop for long stretches without a thought of rehab.

Posted by: triticale at September 3, 2007 03:47 PM

Hot Dog, Frank's on a roll!

I **love** it when you get on a rant. No one does it better....

Posted by: Vittle at September 6, 2007 07:54 PM