« October 2007 | Main | December 2007 »

It's not a bug, its a feature.

In regards to last nights "debate"(which I did not watch because my contempt for this sort of cartoon WWF version of politics grows by the hour) - I think those of you who are complaining about how unfair it was that CNN did such a laughibly bad job providing balance are missing the big picture here.

Come on guys, we are Republicans, since when have we ever expected a fair shake from the press? Democrats need special handing because they are 'delicate flowers', they need biased questioning to ensure that they shine, because frankly without it, they would stink on ice.

Think about the daily crotch kicking experience that President Bush has had to withstand since 2000, you show me the Democrat candidate who can withstand that sort of daily punishment.You think this "I hate the president" idea goes away with the end of President Bush?

Come on. 'Bashing the President', whomever he or she is a cottage industry. Its practically the new 'Silicon valley'. I'll bet the money spent on pundity is greater than the GDP of most European countries. People used to make and wear loud bowling shirts in public, they used to put flames on the side of their cars 'to look cool!" and followed the local football teams, now they play the big game of pundit politics like they know what they are talking about and they play rough like it really matters one way or the other.

What poppycock.

I say 'bring it on**', let's stop with the pretense of a balanced media, and just go ahead and let the Democratic candidates ask questions of our guys directly. Heck, have Sydney Blumenthal himself ask questions, I don't care. Frankly, all you Republican candidates should be able to answer and demolish their questions and if you really want to be my President, because thats what it will take to lead this country.

Democrats can run only if the conditions are just right. Democrats are the "goldilocks party". Picky, choosy little girls that are not above breaking and entering someones house to break their furniture and eat their food. They can't debate, they can barely talk to each other,much less a critical audience. No, not those folks, the 'Delicate Flowers' the 'victims of society', the 'angst and sadness' party. The party that cries more than "Iron eyes Cody".

Feh.

We Republicans dont just stand their and cry when some pinhead throws trash at our feet, we say "Hey jackass! - pick up da friggin' trash!"

You gotta remember folks that when you are President, you dont get to lead just those people in the country who agree with you, you gotta convince those who dont agree with you that your ideas were really theirs in the first place. Thats called 'leadership'.

Our guys can take a punch. No one on our side is complaining that "The boys are picking on me".

Sheesh.

The fact is folks, this isnt an infomercial for a new vacuum, its running for the office of "President of The United States"(Someone nudge Fred and let him in on that little factiod. Let him know the about the phrase that 95% of success is showing up. Nice ideas Fred, but you really do have to shake hands and show up in New Hampshire and Iowa if you want to run for President).

Heck,even our version of Dennis Kuncinich, Ron Paul can take on their guys on any number of subjects. (Ron Paul...say that reminds me, have you ever seen Dennis and Ron in the same place at the same time? ) We are Republicans here folks, we dont run from a fight. we welcome it.

You have to remember that the Democrats have already run screaming from the room at the very idea that they might have to (Gasp!) talk to Fox News(Cue the ominous music). If you want to be the President, like it or not, you gotta talk to folks from all sorts of backgrounds and all sorts of variations in rational thought.

Stop whining. Get used to it. Embrace it. Its not a bug folks, its a feature.

(** - Ok, I would say that if John F'ing Kerry didnt totally ruin the use of that term)

Posted @ November 29, 2007 10:28 AM | Current Affairs | Comments (0)

The Sick Lady of Edmonds

Vaction Blogging.

It's not work, its not play, its something in between.

We are now back from our annual trip 1900 mile round trip up to the in-laws in the Pacific Northwest. While I was there, I had a very nice visit to the much improved 'Museum of Flight' and in general it was a great trip. Burgerville on the way up, Ivars Salmon chowder a hockey game on Thanksgiving Eve, a visit to the Cascade Symphony and Third Place books meant that most of the big items on the annual "must do" list were completed.

Should I write on the Hockey Game? nahhh... The Symphony where the audience was older then the vey old members of the symphony turning the concert into a contest of wills to see who would fall asleep or die first? nahhhh....

The simple joy of Ivars Salmon Chowder or Burgerville and the 'Tillamook cheddar cheese and Bacon burgers'? Nahhhh....

Or, how my wife and sister-in-law went trawling at the local harbor bars for just a small slight chance to see Captain Sig Hansen of TV Show 'Deadliest Catch'? Nahhh. They had to settle for "Sig Sat Here" at the 'Lockspot' bar, along with a now favored T-shirt advertising said same.

Nahhhh. I'm not going to blog on any of those subjects. Instead of those the most obvious of things, I'm going to blog on my sister-in-laws 'objects d'art'.

My sister-in-law enjoys the arts of all types and works hard in her enjoyment. She is in the truest sense of the word "a patron" of the arts.

My sister-in-law, who serves as the family bed-n-breakfast for the annual Thanksgiving visit has a set of very interesting art in her home. When I say 'interesting', I say it in recognition that her home is esquisitely decorated and in very good taste, except as we shall see, a couple of examples of oddness. I say 'interesting' with the same voice inflection that Spock gets when the the Enterprise is suddenly surrounded by Klingon Battle Cruisers.

You see, while most of her art is pitch perfect and very nice indeed, she has a couple of very odd paintings that frankly, make no sense at all. Every time I see them, I just twist my head "RCA Victor Dog style" and wonder two things:

1. Who would paint this particular subject?

and

2. Who would buy it? and why?

To illustrate this phenomenon, I submit the following:

I call this one "Old Church - New Crack House". Now to be honest, this painting sneaks up on you like a special effect painting in the Disneyland 'Haunted Mansion'. If you see this from across the room, you say to yourself 'oh look, a painting of a church in a field, how nice". But as you get closer, it reveals its deep dark, uncomfortable self. The windows are boarded up and overhead vultures circle apparently waiting for the right moment to swoop in and snack on the long dead parishioners. It's like "Little house on the prarie" meets "The Omega Man". You expect that this was one of the paintings rejected by Rod Serling for "Night Gallery" as "Dear Sir, Sorry to inform you - this just too creepy for prime time". I'm fairly certain that if you showed this painting to most people in Europe they would see nothing out of the ordinary, because this is how all Europeans see churches.

I dubbed this painting "The Sick Lady of Edmonds", in a sort of homage to "The Mad Woman of Chaillot". This painting has always made me scratch my head and say, "Just what the hell is going on here?".

My wife likes to inform me that "She's not sick, she's resting. She's clearly tired of picking up after her ungrateful, slovenly, layabout husband and her uncaring children and shes just taking a moment to rest in her room for just two minutes without being bothered. Is that so wrong?"

I think they call that sort of analysis, 'projection'. It's like a Rorsach ink blot test, you sort of see what you want to see.

I look at it and I figure that she's saying "Oh sure, why this is exactly how I wanted to be captured for all eternity, in my house coat, flat on my back with my hair in a mess. Yessirreee, thats exactly what I had in mind when I told my parents I wanted to marry an artist. If only 'Johhny Von Rembrandt' here would put the same effort into painting the kitchen, this would all be worth it.I'll bet thats my towels he's using to clean his brushes, how many times have I told him not to use my towels..."

But why paint this scene in the first place? Did some artist get a sudden flash of inspiration and one forehead slap later, put his fingers together in faux picture frame style around the scene before him of his pale faced tuberculosis suffering wife as she sipped tea in her sickbed and said " AHA! I've got it! I paint what I see!". Her words from clenched teeth " Edward!! - Not NOW!" go unheard and unheeded as he gathered his oils and brushes. When the muse calls, you answer.

later, at the 'Art Gallery', a Lebowskian patron of the arts says to the owner 'This is it, this will really help tie the room together!"

Posted @ November 26, 2007 09:40 AM | Current Affairs | Comments (1)

busiest.week.ever...

In short, I worked my fanny off.

I Havent shaved in three days.

Spent 5 hours driving 60 miles into the bay area for a 40 minute meeting, the awfulness of which represents the very last time I will ever set foot in Northern SF Penninsula. Period.

Did a radio show with Ed Driscoll. Loved it.

Spent three days locked in a large auditorium of a former state mental hospital and reviewed deep technical material.

Ate at 'Dave and Busters' next to a table of kids all under the age of 10 who had cellphones with cameras and thought it was 'heeelarious' to play paparazzi with each other by flashing their phones at each other. By the time dinner arrived, I was blind. The company was good, the food was awful, the restaurant was unspeakable.

Had a headache so bad I had to pull over to collect myself so that I could drive the 30 miles from where I was working to the nearest available hotel.

But now - Im on vacation, so blogging shall commence...

Posted @ November 16, 2007 08:17 PM | Current Affairs | Comments (0)

I thought I was being paid by the word!

Chris Hitchens finds that the benefits of writing often depend on whom you are writing for. From The New York Daily News:

"...Be thankful Graydon Carter isn't your boss. The Vanity Fair honcho ordered columnist Christopher Hitchens to get a makeover for the October issue, after which Hitchens felt more like a POW than well-kempt gentleman. The Brit endured six hours of dental rejuvenation and some manscaping thanks to a "sack, back and crack" wax. Says Hitchens: "The combined effect was like being tortured for information you do not possess."

Mr. Carter, if having bad dental hygene and a hairy back works for Chistopher Hitchens, I suggest you stop defurring and root planing Mr. Hitchens and start taking away the dipilatory cremes and toothbrushes from the rest of your staff instead.

Hitchens is an English writer for cryin out loud, he's supposed to look like a walking talking cross between a well used cat scratching post and a naugahyde bean bag chair; it's all part of the image. Pretty people make bad writers simply because they find other things to do with their time than sit by themselves and brood.

It reminds me of a Billy Conolly story. When Billy was being processed for entry into the Territorial Army Parachute Regiment During the exam, the doctor giving him his physical said 'You're not very big downstairs, are you?' to which Connolly retorted, 'I thought we were only going to fight them.'

Posted @ November 08, 2007 12:21 PM | Current Events | Comments (2)

A 1960's era acoustic rodent control device

I have an image running through my head.

US troops in Styker combat vehicles drive up the the edge of a village in Iraq. The sit inside, looking out at the village through the small protected windows of the vehicle. The Jihadis in turn, hide behind walls and street barriers and await the Americans in ambush.

The commander in the lead vehicle points to his second in command and nods "do it". The second pulls a lever. Suddenly the lead vehicle in the Stryker convoy begins to unfold a large articulated box, revealing a set of loudspeakers.

Inside the Strykers, the men scurry to put on their ear protection devices, winceing and shaking their head at the unspeakable horror about to be deployed against their enemy in the town.

The Sgt. yells the command "everybody git ready!", and then throws the volume knob to 11.

And this is what comes out of the speakers:

All around the village, dogs, cats, small animals, furry rodents of all size and shape as well as Jihadis, grab their ears and scream in agony. The Sgt. in the lead Styker sits in his self imposed silence while the screeching tune of "Run Al Run" booms forth from the loudspeakers overhead as he watches the scene of a village of jihadis writhing in agony unfold out the small windows of the Stryker. He sits quietly eating a snickers bar, and says to no one in particular "poor bastards, you almost feel sorry for them".

Posted @ November 07, 2007 02:48 PM | Current Affairs | Comments (2)

Just a couple of quick Pakistan observations

Im still under full 'Lucy and Ethel' mode here at the lab, but I just had a few questions about the Pakistan situation.

1. Wasnt it the considered view of so many in the puditocracy that what Iraq really needed in this time of strife was a 'strongman" that could restore order? Well now you got a stongman in an area of deep strife, so stop whining.

2. Dictatorships generally end very badly for both the dictator and the nation being dictated. Julius Caesar first set the pattern of being done in by his pals, and more recently we have the example of provided by Huey Long. The phrase "he meant well" doesnt seem to provide as much protection for the dictator as a good kevlar vest.

3. We should all understand that the Pakistani Army sentry who is standing watch in front of Musharrafs office is standing there without much else to do on his watch but be 'at brace' and silently ponder his destiny against his potential for earning a place in history. A man, a grudge, a pistol and an opportunity; the world has been made on such volatile combinations.

4. It strikes me as odd that he Islamic world has dictatorships that sit at each end of the world, almost as its 'bookends' with Mubarak in Egypt, Musharraf in Pakistan. In between those bookends stand most of the variations of human suffrage from tribalist, monarchial to religious state. Yet, there seems to be room on their bookshelf for everthing but a tolerance of democracy and modernity.

5. Pakistan can be seen as the most modern of the Islamic countries, by comparison to almost any other Islamic nation, it is an industrial powerhouse, yet in every measureable metric it is being swept away by its brother country, India. Yet India and Pakistan were at peer level until India embraced free market capitalism in the 1980's. India is now on its way to be a peer with China, yet Pakistan is now on its way to be a peer with - Iran. China too moved away from central planning to a market economy at the same time as India. Do property rights naturally lead to human rights and as such to human liberty? One proof would be that the opposite is also true, which seems to be at least one vector of what is going on in Pakistan.

And remember what I said, Pakistan stands head and shoulders above all the other Islamic countries. The road from Tribalism to Monarchy to liberal democracy took 1000 years in Europe, should we expect it to be any faster in the middle east?

Posted @ November 06, 2007 07:39 AM | Current Affairs | Comments (2)

Busy

It's not that I dont have a whole lot to say, its that I am really and deeply truly samped and busy beyond belief at the "revenue producing activity", I mean we are in full "lucy and ethel at the chocolate factory" busy lately, so bear with me for a bit.

And for you kids out there that dont get the reference above, here it is:

I promise to finish the '89 quake story this evening, and I might work in time to make fun of Mrs. Clinton along the way.

Posted @ November 03, 2007 10:20 AM | Current Affairs | Comments (1)

In your face osama

Bacon salt. Salt that tastes like bacon. Its so simple, its genius. This is why the Jihadis will never win. We have people who think like that! Bacon ----> Salt! Baconsalt! GENIUS!!!

From their website:

"We're Justin and Dave, the two guys behind Bacon Salt™ and this is our improbable bacon-flavored story. Who are we? We’re just two regular guys who love grilling and football on Sunday afternoons, eating until we can’t get off the couch and of course, the taste of great bacon. And it’s our dream to make everything taste like bacon."

Hey whaddaya know! Thats always been my dream too!

Check their website by clicking here.

Tell the iranians mullahs they can have my baconsalt as soon as they lick it off my cold dead fingers.

Posted @ November 02, 2007 09:12 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)