Varifrank: How to fix the social security system

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How to fix the social security system

Eat up baby boomers, the only thing thats gonna save my generation is a healthy heapin' of suvivor benefits, so forget about your "healthy start" organic food options, forget about the gym you joined and start smoking and drinking again just like in the good old days.

Then fix youself up a daily plate of these:

Paula's Fried Butter Balls

2 sticks butter
2 ounces cream cheese
Salt and pepper
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 egg, beaten
1 cup seasoned bread crumbs
Peanut oil, for frying

Cream the butter, cream cheese, salt and pepper together with an electric mixer until smooth. Using a very small ice cream scoop, or melon baller, form 1-inch balls of butter mixture and arrange them on a parchment or waxed paper lined sheet pan. Freeze until solid. Coat the frozen balls in flour, egg, and then bread crumbs and freeze again until solid.
When ready to fry, preheat oil in a deep-fryer to 350 degrees F.

Fry balls for 10 to 15 seconds until just light golden. Drain on paper towels before serving.

Wait a second - Peanut oil? PEANUT OIL! Oh come on Paula, isn't this exactly the right application for Coconut Oil? Peanut Oil? Sheesh. Everyone knows if youre going to fry butter fat that you want an oil thats 95% trigycerides. Get Chef Gordon Ramsay on the phone, he will make me a proper deep fried butter ball and show this lady a thing or two.

mmmm... deep-fried-butter... Its so simple! Its like Elvis' Fried Peanut Butter Sandwhich, just thinking about it takes 10 years off your life. I'm wondering why I never thought of the idea of "Deep Fried Butter" myself! Its like a "deep fried embolism"! The last thing you say is "Wow, that really is good! then you just expire right on the spot. You could put them on a stick, sell them at the State Fair. If you could get them with a side of salmonella, it would be like virtually everything else you get at the State Fair, except that unlike that corn dog that will make you sick for three days afterwards, the Fried Butter Balls will simply kill you on the spot. So, you take the kids to the fair and one of them says " Hey look, its that prop comedian Carrot Top is playing a double bill with Gallagher, can we go see them, please?" You can just say " Sure kids, just let me stop off at the Fried Butter Ball Stand first". They dont get any pangs of guilt for having driven you to thoughts of suicide and you dont have to sit through Carrot Top and Gallagher. Its a total "Win-Win" as they say...

Go on, laugh if you want to but you know you want to try them, dont you... Wait a second, Im having a flash! So, why not wrap them in bacon before you fry them? yeah buddy, Now were talkin'!

Posted @ July 29, 2008 02:13 PM | Current Affairs

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